The Illumination of Queen Bees

Dearest reader,

My situations really have improved since last week. I've received a bit of inspiration and almost have a story done for the open submission for Cross Genera Magazine. I'm really excited cause after being a in a dry spell for the last two months it hasn't been easy. It's not like I'm just pouring out words like they simply can't be contained (though that is really amazing and I love when that happens) but it's not like I'm trying to extract blood from a stone. So that's good. I hope to send out a portion of it it for this months Lunacy Project. Sign up for this month (or for a year?) if you'd like to have a little story to read come this Saturday -which is this months full moon.

For those interested in what its about: it's a story about a woman looking back on her life, the magic she's made, the lives she's impacted, dignity, and choice. Should be a little controversial but hey, I'm not writing for children here. I think we can discuss sticky issues and raw topics through many means and stories (fictional or other-wise) are excellent places with our culture to have these discussions.

In other news Pill Hill Press, the publisher for the anthology I've been published by is no longer in business. This is a sad day. They really gave so many new authors the chance to show their work, myself being one of them. I wish the editors over at PHP the best of luck. I send them my love and luck.

This does mean that I have the rights to my story back. Therefore, instead of attempting to resell the story to another publisher, I have chosen to publish it on my own website and it is free to you. You can read it right off the site or can download a free PDF version. If you are so inclined to throw a few bucks my way I've put up a $1.00 donation button on the page. This will help pay for the website hosting services so it would be greatly appreciated. I really do hope you enjoy the story. I enjoyed writing it and am very proud of it. I really do consider it the first stepping stone to being considered a published author and that is why I'm really happy I'm able to bring it to you. 

Thank you all and have a great week!

Stuck with the Writing & Thoughts on Gender

As some of you might be aware, I’ve been struggling with the writing. Last week’s blog post was kind of a fluke. I enjoyed writing it and it was fun to go back and do something that required a little more research than usual. In short, I wrote a 13K word something or other akin to a paper I would have wrote in college. Sure it contained a more mysticism than I’m normally comfortable with sharing but what is the internet for other than over-sharing?

But when it comes to the fiction writing I’m consistently coming up short. November was really great. I wrote nearly half a novel in less than 20 days. December wasn’t as good but I got a lot of editing done. Here we are half way through January and I have very little accomplished since the beginning of December. I’m struggling with the Lunacy Project (which shouldn’t dissuade you from subscribing). I feel like everything I write doesn’t have the usual spark that it has in the past. I’m not sure if I’m just trying too hard or being overly expectant of myself. I want to give you all everything I have and continue to bring you things like The Illuminationof Queen Bees and Roses Through the Fog (a Lunacy Project story).

I have the novel to work on and The Lunacy Project, not to mention my weekly blog updates. I also have a short story (less than 2000 words) I’ve been working on and want to finish sometime soon. And now I have two jobs (Jimmy Johns and a tutoring for ISD 194). And I friends I want to see more than I do. And I will have car payments, and insurance, plus the .5K a month for student loans. Needless to keep up the litany, I’m a very busy lady and I haven’t got all day to surf the internet or watch an endless string of youtube videos.

I’ve recently come across an open submission for a science-fiction/fantasy magazine. The theme is She.

“What defines She? External definitions, internal, or the combination of both? When those definitions change – and they inevitably do – who writes the new rules?

We’re looking for stories featuring: women characters exploring the distinctions and overlap between sex and gender; transgender women or girls; characters for whom gender is in flux or in question; and characters who change or redefine what it means to be She."

You think I would have this in the bag. I mean come on. I have a degree in Women’s Studies. You would think I would be able to pull out my knowledge of gender, mix it the experiences of gender fluidity I’ve read about and experienced, add in a dash of mythology and bam! Amazing story right?

As it turns out it is a little more difficult that that. I’ve written several beginnings but nothing feels right. They all feel to be little forced. I don't have a setting and that makes this incredibly difficult for I really want to connect the characters in stories with their surroundings. How does the landscape impact their emotional lives. That is something I writing and feel I'm good at. But I don't even know where to start with this one. The submission closes at the end of February but I was hoping to use part of it for Lunacy. I keep coming back to the quote by Simone de Beauvoir “One is not born a woman, one becomes one”. I think the same could be same of men but I don’t want to dive into a big examination of what is a woman/man here, or at least not now.

I need to find my voice again. I really believe in the adage write what you know. I know I can write. I know this creative fiction thing is a part of who I am and I need to be very diligent with it. It is my dream to write beautiful, lush, exotic, and sensory rich stories that make people feel something. I want emotionally complex characters. I want wonderful and strange and fantastic settings. I want to bring to the world different voices, new stories. Thus, when I get pushed against the wall known commonly as writers block it is really difficult. It’s like there are big, great, exciting things just on the other side of the wall and if I just push hard enough or let myself fall into the wall and it will open up and show me everything I have to offer.

Share links to articles about gender in the comments or write about your experiences with gender in the comments. I’d love to hear from you and your interpretations of masculinity, femininity, and everything that falls in-between and around the concept of gender. What does She mean to you?

The Lunacy Project: November

While I continue to work (and struggle) with my current novel I wanted to give y'all a taste of this months Lunacy story. I'm very proud of it and think its one of my best. So in hopes that this will spark your desire to buy the story ($5/$3) I'm giving you, dear reader, a look at the first paragraph. I hope you find it interesting and want more. Enjoy.

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     It rolled through every street, down every avenue, and spread itself thickly across the hillsides and vase rolling plane of farmed land. Its density was reported by a weather woman with tawny brown hair, like a sparrow feathers, who stood in front of a map that showed the city and surrounding areas. It was all covered in  thick gray clouds. She genitally cautioned the public to dive safely and to plan accordingly. Those who could afford it called into work; the less fortunate carefully meandered to their jobs. Lights on the tops of trucks and buses flashed like magnesium fireflies in the soft haze of the spectral fog.

     The weather professionals said it would dissipate by noon like ice in April. It did not.

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Want the rest? It's only $5.00. ($3.00 for PDF) Follow the link here to sign up for this month (or a whole year). Please sign up today or by Sunday (11-25-2012) for this months story. I will be shipping them out on Monday to ensure they will arrive in your mailboxes on the full moon.

A Lunacy subscription not only gets you one story a month but supports me in my efforts as an aspiring author. You can buy them month to month or get a year long subscription. It's up to you. Short story are great. They don't take weeks/months to finish reading as full length novels can and you still get the experience of a full length story. They can made great 'Treat Yo Self' gifts or a simple anytime gift for the reader in your life. Year long subscriptions are a great Christmas presents or that something fun you look forward to each month. So bring some cheer into your life and help support an author get his feet on the ground.

Thanks for all your love and support.

New Moon, New Names, New Projects

Happy New Moon Everyone.

So as you know these last few weeks (if not months) has been a very big transitional period for me. Graduation, then all the shifting duty’s and attitudes around the farm, not to mention the ever present changing of the seasons, then that ended and I moved back to Lakeville. That's a lot for less than seven months. Now I’m looking for a job in the non-profit sector as opposed to agriculture (still wondering if that’s the right choice). On top of all that, I’m really trying focusing on the writing, which if you are reading this blog, I do truly thank you.

With all of these changes I feel the need to renovating and reconstructing my public identity. I’ve been published under Charles Grabuski in the Roaring Muse, The Naked Feather, and the short story The Illumination of Queen Bees (P.S. there are only two copies left). I have an urban occult story out for consideration from Anarchron Press in the UK under then name Charles Joseph Grabuski. I really hope that one will get published cause that would be awesome. Send some prayers and energy my way. But my full name sounds to clunky. It’s a bit long and I’d like something a bit more condensed; a byline that maybe sounds and looks a little more authorial.

In the new moon light (or absence thereof) I’m choosing CJ Grabuski as my new byline. I like it. It’s quick, to the point and retains my last name which I truly do love. Future husband, please realize that I will be keeping my last name but will consider hyphenating.

With this new name, I’m also switching email addresses. I’m keeping my university e-mail (grabu004@d.umn.edu) as my main/professional address but for the writing, the short stories, and The Lunacy Project, I’ve created cjgrabuski@gmail.com. Either will be ways fine ways of contacting me. The website is currently under development as I construct something more professional than the Google site. I’m keeping it up and running for now seeing how I’m trying to stay focused on the writing aspect of the whole thing. In fact, besides sending off three resumes, I've started a novella today.

Speaking of the New Moon: there’s just over a week left to sign up for this month’s story (or sign up for a whole year if the spirit moves you). This month’s story is really good. I’m really proud of it. I hope you in turn will find it just as good.

NEW PROJECT

Kailey Mo Becker is an amazing graphic designer and dear friend of mine and together we have created the Ten Words or Less project. Simply put, I’ve written little phrases from various stories I’ve gotten published or put up on the blog. From these ten words (or less) she creates beautiful pieces of art. She has a passion for typefaces and a keen eye for fresh design. If you like them, like the page, share it on your wall, tell your friends. If you would like a print,  please let either her or me know by shooting us an e-mail. They are 6inx6in so keep that in mind. We are currently working out printing and pricing options. There will be a formal page on each of our websites once things are finalized. In the mean time check back often for more updates on the project. Thank you for your support.

The Lunacy Project

I’m so excited to be able to bring this to all you wonderful people. As some of you may know, I’ve been working on this project for a while now. Well today is the day I launch what I’m calling The Lunacy Project. This is a crowd sourcing opportunity to bring you, dear readers, my work.

I’m continuing to submit work to magazines, on-line and other wise, and other publishers but in the mean time I would like to give you a chance to read original works approximately once a month. Every lunar cycle you will receive a piece of short fiction no less than fifteen hundred words in length; some months will be significantly longer. Each full moon you will find a new story in your in-box or your mail box. Subscribers are encouraged to send inspirations, setting ideas, and character descriptions if they so choose to.

Email subscriptions will be sent as a pdf.

Snail mail subscriptions will be sent a few days before the full moon to ensure you will receive it at approximately the same time as the e-mail subscribers. Depending on the speed of the mail, you might even get it before the full moon. These will be printed on high-quality paper, signed, and sealed with wax. This is by far the more impressive and amusing option.

Subscribe at least five days before the full moon in order to receive that cycles story. To make this happen I’m asking for $5.00 for paper subscriptions and $3.00 for the pdf. A full year’s worth of stories –there are about thirteen full moons a year—is $50.00 for paper and $30.00 for the pdf. If you are an e-mail subscriber and wish to get a hard copy of that cycle’s story, I ask for $3.00 to cover paper, wax, and shipping costs. Feel free to e-mail me at grabu004@gmail.com for more information.

Thank you so much for indulging me in this quest. Your participation is greatly appreciated and I’m delighted to be able to make this a reality. If you should chose to sign up now, the first story goes out on the October 29th.

Follow this link to go to the projects main page.