Stuck with the Writing & Thoughts on Gender

As some of you might be aware, I’ve been struggling with the writing. Last week’s blog post was kind of a fluke. I enjoyed writing it and it was fun to go back and do something that required a little more research than usual. In short, I wrote a 13K word something or other akin to a paper I would have wrote in college. Sure it contained a more mysticism than I’m normally comfortable with sharing but what is the internet for other than over-sharing?

But when it comes to the fiction writing I’m consistently coming up short. November was really great. I wrote nearly half a novel in less than 20 days. December wasn’t as good but I got a lot of editing done. Here we are half way through January and I have very little accomplished since the beginning of December. I’m struggling with the Lunacy Project (which shouldn’t dissuade you from subscribing). I feel like everything I write doesn’t have the usual spark that it has in the past. I’m not sure if I’m just trying too hard or being overly expectant of myself. I want to give you all everything I have and continue to bring you things like The Illuminationof Queen Bees and Roses Through the Fog (a Lunacy Project story).

I have the novel to work on and The Lunacy Project, not to mention my weekly blog updates. I also have a short story (less than 2000 words) I’ve been working on and want to finish sometime soon. And now I have two jobs (Jimmy Johns and a tutoring for ISD 194). And I friends I want to see more than I do. And I will have car payments, and insurance, plus the .5K a month for student loans. Needless to keep up the litany, I’m a very busy lady and I haven’t got all day to surf the internet or watch an endless string of youtube videos.

I’ve recently come across an open submission for a science-fiction/fantasy magazine. The theme is She.

“What defines She? External definitions, internal, or the combination of both? When those definitions change – and they inevitably do – who writes the new rules?

We’re looking for stories featuring: women characters exploring the distinctions and overlap between sex and gender; transgender women or girls; characters for whom gender is in flux or in question; and characters who change or redefine what it means to be She."

You think I would have this in the bag. I mean come on. I have a degree in Women’s Studies. You would think I would be able to pull out my knowledge of gender, mix it the experiences of gender fluidity I’ve read about and experienced, add in a dash of mythology and bam! Amazing story right?

As it turns out it is a little more difficult that that. I’ve written several beginnings but nothing feels right. They all feel to be little forced. I don't have a setting and that makes this incredibly difficult for I really want to connect the characters in stories with their surroundings. How does the landscape impact their emotional lives. That is something I writing and feel I'm good at. But I don't even know where to start with this one. The submission closes at the end of February but I was hoping to use part of it for Lunacy. I keep coming back to the quote by Simone de Beauvoir “One is not born a woman, one becomes one”. I think the same could be same of men but I don’t want to dive into a big examination of what is a woman/man here, or at least not now.

I need to find my voice again. I really believe in the adage write what you know. I know I can write. I know this creative fiction thing is a part of who I am and I need to be very diligent with it. It is my dream to write beautiful, lush, exotic, and sensory rich stories that make people feel something. I want emotionally complex characters. I want wonderful and strange and fantastic settings. I want to bring to the world different voices, new stories. Thus, when I get pushed against the wall known commonly as writers block it is really difficult. It’s like there are big, great, exciting things just on the other side of the wall and if I just push hard enough or let myself fall into the wall and it will open up and show me everything I have to offer.

Share links to articles about gender in the comments or write about your experiences with gender in the comments. I’d love to hear from you and your interpretations of masculinity, femininity, and everything that falls in-between and around the concept of gender. What does She mean to you?