Hansel and Gretel Review

If you’re looking for nothing more than a bit of entertainment and don’t mind spending ten dollars on a movie ticket, then by all means go and see Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters. If not, then wait for the DVD. Either way it will be an hour and forty minutes of fun but not excitement. The plot and dialog are predictable. The setting is the standard 21^stinterpretation of midlevel Europe. The same can be said for the costumes. In truth not every woman walked around in a bodice and had heaving cleavage and a full set of pearly white teeth. This was very much a fairy-tale world; more fantasy than magical realism.

The acting was fair. I wouldn’t say that Jeremy Renner (The Avengers) was an amazing actor but he sure is sexy. There was a great opportunity to see some of those rippling muscles at one point in the film but instead we get a good shot of Ingrid Bolsø Berdal’s backside and breasts. This is a wonderful example of how Hollywood is just fine with showing female sexuality but heaven forbid the male is seen as anything but pure machismo and a killing-machine. That’s not to say we need to hyper-sexualize everything. I think the American culture is far too obsessed with compartmentalizing and cutting everything into objectifiable pieces, especially in regards to women/the feminine. American culture objectifies women all the time but when it comes to men, we have a much harder time swallowing the idea that man can be seen as a sexual object.

Now on to what the pagan community is really good at: seeing a witch in the main-stream and crying intolerance.  Yes, the vast number of magic-users/witches in movies are cast as the villain. They eat children or burn down towns or turn people into frogs. This comes from the Judeo-Christian tradition that sees magic and witchcraft as evil. American’s live in a changing culture based around that same Judeo-Christian puritanical ideology. Therefore witches will be the villains just as vampires and werewolves once were the monsters that were sought out and slain. Hollywood loves to take the witch and make it into the bad guy. Simple fact.

I’m not going to yell at the creators of Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters. The original story is about a pair of children who almost get eaten by a witch. Of course their adult-selves would become witch hunters, especially if that’s what witches do (eat children and burn down towns)in this particular fantasy world. Fairytales are not real. YES we can learn from them. I treat folktales as scripture and as such I see characters and ideas as universal metaphors. I could deconstruct the tale of Hansel and Gretel and the resent film adaption into bits and pieces and come up with something about how our obsession with youth and acting like children is going to be the end of our civilization and the only way to save ourselves is to accept the past for what it is, forgive our parents for our terrible childhoods and realize our true paths/selves but that might be giving this film to much credit. To claim that Hollywood is calling the modern pagan religions and those who identify as witches as nothing but evil hell-spawn who deserve to executed —burning-times style— is simply not the case.

Of course modern witches i.e. REAL WITCHES do not fly through the air or puck the eyes out of newts for potions. We go to work, buy groceries from the store and farmers market; we put our pants on one leg at a time. That being said, it would be nice, if not fun, to see witches normalized or at least not demonized in film. And it is. The best example of this is Practical Magic (1998). If you’re thinking what about The Craft (1996), well I’m still not sure how I feel about that one. Another is the upcoming movie adaption of Starhawk’s The Fifth Sacred Thing. I cannot wait for this to come to the big screen. It will be a few years. It is in the works but because they are creating an ecologically sustainable praxis for the film-industry (of course Starhawk would do that… and that’s why I love her) plus creating sets for the movie that can be used by the city of San Francisco post-production it will be a few years before it will be coming to a screen near you. You can support the

project here.

I would be great if an old fairy tale was adapted to have the witch/magic user not a villain. Even in Hansel and Gretel there were white-witches (though she played the martyr more than she was the mage/holy woman). It would be great if men were portrayed as witches (I know what you’re thinking and a warlock is not a male witch. The world warlock comes from the old English warloghe meaning “breaker of faith”; in other words… a liar). I would be sweet is a movie came out, fantasy or otherwise, that showcased modern witches. I’m not saying it’s needed but it wouldn’t be bad P.R. if it happened. 

It’s true the over-culture is not permeated with ideas of what it means to be a witch in the 21^st century. Most people don’t know what witches and pagans do for rituals. This isn’t the media’s fault.  Let us move on and realize witches in film do not do the things real witches do in the real world. If you talk to a doctor they will say the same thing about shows like House and Gray’s Anatomy. If a film comes out that shows modern witches, using modern rituals, citing modern pagan events, and has those characters doing evil things to good people, then we’ll have something to cry and complain about. Movies that take place in a clearly fictional world should not be used as an argument that modern pagan religions and witches in particular are being persecuted. 

Writers Block or Something Like It

This is the thing about writers block: it sucks! Although I’m not even sure if I necessary have writers block but perhaps its tortured cousin to it. Perhaps one would call it writers-back up.

It’s not that I don’t have ideas to write about, cause I do. I have several ideas for novels and just as many seeds of short stories tumbling inside my head. What happens is I will write about 200 some words of it and then… poop. Nothing. I’ve lost the spark. I can’t make plot point A connect to plot point B. It’s sad really cause I would love to see this stories and narratives complete themselves. 

I’ve gone back in my hard-drive to a folder entitled STORIES, which is where many a story goes rest for a while. I call it the cryogenic portion of its life. They are there, exactly how I left them. Here is a girl walks to the edge of a forest in search of a pumpkin. A man gives shelter to a sea-faring traveler and is attempting to dock the boat named Selkie. His arms have been pulling on that rope for over a year now. In another, a whale has invited a man to touch her slick skin under the light of a full moon. In another story a woman has been attempting to change her villages’ bigoted attitudes towards the family of satyrs who are her neighbors for quite some time now. 

And these are just the stories I started last year. Never mind the tales I’ve spun over this summer. The crow people and the woman with her cherries may never have the rest of their stories told. The boy who began to study under the wise-woman might never become a fully actualized individual. Who is the Queen of Crustaceans and will she ever reconcile with her sister the Duchess of Cephalopods? Two churches stand in the middle of an post-apocalyptic town and the people are learning to live in harmony with nature again. This is a solute to the Fifth Sacred Thing by Starhawk.

How many other pages will be born and laid to rest in this corner of my hard-drive till I liberate them from their slumber? When will I release them from the task I’ve left them with and find resolution? 

Perhaps, I just need an inspiration and a muse.